turning the corner...

the past few months has been--as I said before--one of the most challenging periods of my martial arts career to date. doubts lurking around every corner; frustration rearing its ugly head. while I never considered quiting, my heart was clouded and my mind was frayed.
currently, i feel... well... better. while i'm not tooting rainbows and doing back flips for no reason, my mind has reset itself and I have been enjoying my training once again. do i feel further tempered and believe i've had a philosophic expansion as a result of my struggles? time will tell. does it feel nice to be back on track?
indeed.
part of my imbalance, as I mentioned previously, had a lot to do with a lack of harmony between kata and technique. this was perhaps a result of a grading i was undergoing, where my kata was in worse shape than my technique and needed to be improved upon. grading gives me great ambivalence, but i will save those thoughts for another day.
in the mean time, while I cannot say exactly what is around the corner, i know now that at least i am turning one.

final report...???

Well, I finally gave my leg the full test.
And, touch wood, it held up wonderfully.
Don't get me wrong, I still fear a recurrence of the muscle pull (tear?), but I did some light sparring exercises for the first time since the injury occurred and walked away intact. For those who recall, it was such exercises that were involved in the initial injury. I also used my full weight for other techniques and even kicked the heavy bag full tilt again (this felt good--a lot of pent up tension).
But here's the catch. I took my four-year-old ice skating and felt a twinge by merely doing slow laps of the rink with him. This reinforces caution, of course, but hey, at least the dojo time went well.
So hopefully the injury reports are finished for now and some serious (and not so serious) training can get back under way.

progress....

here's my injury update:
I feel pretty good. the tightness following the injury is slowly decreasing and mobility increases every day. however, certain movements seem to make me think it could easily pull again, and so, although i've been on the mats a few times this past week or two, i am being very careful. (i am exempt from too much kata which is a nice break).
movements to avoid include: kicking while being supported or pivoting with the bum leg; sparring and/or fast weight transfers; going up on my toes; or any sort of jumping or big breakfalls.
still a bit lame, but much better than before.

pain in the.....

I recently experienced an injury during class.

In fact, I'm still hobbling around, although I've discarded the crutches and hope to be well again soon. (The injury occurred during sparring, which seems to be consistent with many of my previous physical pains. But that, as they say, is another story).

However, a good experience did accompany the injury, which occurred mid-class. After some ice and acupuncture, I returned to the dojo and sat down for the remaining half hour. And I just observed; a fly on the wall.

Although I've done this in other dojos, I've never really done this at my own. I removed myself from the class and my peers, and just soaked in what I observed on the mats. While there is no big epiphany here, I found it insightful, and in many instances picked out a few things I may have missed if I was directly involved. I also had a chance to watch how others learned and how others taught. It had an almost out-of-body feel, as if I was hovering above the room like a strangely dressed ghost in a white gi.

But while the situation was interesting, and i recommend trying it (not for as long, perhaps), after fifteen minutes or so I was eager to jump back in. That, however, will have to wait until next week--with a little luck--when I can walk more than a few steps without grimacing from the pain.

Of Action and Regret....

"That samurai was right who refused to compromise his character by a slight humiliation in his youth; 'because,' he said, 'dishonour is like a scar on a tree, which time, instead of effacing, only helps to enlarge.'"

Ah yes, once again the words of Inazo Nitobe's Bushido.

This paragraph deserves some thought. Although the original context is discussing the role of shame, and how this emotion is the basis of all moral behaviour and honour, the scarred tree analogy goes so much further. We all have such wounds that have increased over time rather than diminished. Some are based in matters of confidence; some are in areas of relationships; and some are based in more tangible and physical injuries that we ignored until they spiralled out of control.

Technically speaking, these imperfections are the result of improper understanding and/or teaching, that start out as tiny bad habits, eventually to become glaring weaknesses. This is why accomplished martial artists still listen to constructive criticism. It is why the best athletes in the world still rely on professional coaching.

In this case, dishonour could be interpreted as a lack of humility among one's peers. Or in the misjudged abilities of an adversary.

It could be rooted in a dishonest self-perception, individually, or as a society that puts humanity on a pedestal separate from the natural world.

This is why all actions are best examined closely, lest regret becomes the growing scar on the tree.

Bang a (Qi) Gong....

art by alex grey

Beginning the next chapter can be overwhelming.

But it's what we strive to do on the Path.

For me, personally, the next stage was not one I chose, but one that chose me. That makes it more important, as the Universe is in on the game.

The next phase of my training will manifest itself as an increased focus on Qi Gong, an internal art from China that aims to cultivate Qi energy within the body. As I've mentioned before, my sensei has routinely incorporated this art into our training, but has now decided to formalize our studies. This means a curriculum, memorization, meditation, and patience.

"You will be frustrated," he said. "It will take a long time to achieve results."

I've studied with him for over three years now, and I trust his methods of teaching. I know if he feels that an increased attention to Qi Gong will boost our abilities then the lessons will be invaluable. I know from our previous exercises in breathing--utilizing Qi Gong methods--that my meditation skills were undoubtedly elevated. Also, a great deal of the nerve points used in the art are ones we already use to increase the pain level of our techniques. However, now we will use them to heal and not hurt.

I think returning to a beginner's mind is an extremely important thing to do as a student of this life. It's humbling, but also generates new focus and expanded understanding.

And that has to be good.... right?



*** Here is the main elemental chart for Qi Gong. It is quite interesting and will take much time to fully take in.

Maybe It's In the Water...

Maybe it's physical proof of Qi energy. But then again, maybe it's not.

I recently read Messages from Water and the Universe by Dr. Masaru Emoto, a Japanese alternative medicine guru. He has become well known over the past several years for his experiments with water, where he postulates that Hado, or life force energy, may influence the shape and symmetry of water crystals. Dr. Emoto takes H2O samples from a specific source and then freezes the water following an experiment where one sample is set aside and ignored, and the other is the subject of positive intent (via words, music, prayer, etc.). He claims water can store this energy like silicone and be positively influenced by the process. The result he presents is many microscopic photos of misshapen (ignored) and symmetrical (blessed) crystals--all from a common source.

Of course, there are many ardent supporters of Emoto's work, as well as the usual counter-balance of dedicated skeptics.

So, in essence, it's the Qi argument all over again. I mean, water is one of the elements, right?

How does the Doctor explain Hado you ask?

"Hado is the intrinsic vibrational pattern at the atomic level in all matter, the smallest unit of energy. Its basis is the energy of human consciousness."

In Chinese philosophy and Japanese martial arts we have witnessed this debate--albeit in a slightly different form--for millennia. But although the song remains the same, and opinions are divided, it really only matters what one's own perception is.

Rust Never Sleeps

Ok, i'm now twenty-some-odd days into my training hiatus. My body-pains feel the best they have in a year; i've explored some concepts of martial arts outside the dojo; and am still learning despite my break.

That said, I feel like I'm slowly rusting away.

This morning I went downstairs to smash the heavy bag a bit. I haven't done this in awhile, and just wanted to throw a few kicks and practice a few lead punches. But whoa! The bag felt twice as full as it did a month ago. My speed was fine. Technique felt good. But everything was just a touch more difficult than I remembered. Anyway, I managed to get into it, with some work, and could nearly see bits of rust landing snow-like on the basement floor by my feet.

Another 10 days left. I think I'll go back downstairs to work-out again tomorrow.

stepping back

Just like that.... an entire month without training. No injuries, no travel plans. Just no training.

Period.

At first, when the dojo closed, this seemed like an opportunity to explore some other styles and take in some different venues to sharpen my budo senses. Then, it became a welcome hiatus in which i would attempt to heal my body's various pains and discomforts. But my plan, now, is to use the month for one main thing: To think.

This month, for me, without the physical application of jiujitsu will be a great opportunity to step back from the whirlwind of classes and focus on what I, myself, would like to improve over the next few months. What are my weaknesses right now? How can I build on strengths and become more adaptable? Is there something my body and/or mind is trying to tell me but I am moving too fast to consider?

Anyway, maybe i'm just attempting to make an undesirable situation seem better in my mind. That's fine. But I shall think hard nonetheless.