Ugly Reality

I recently had the chance to spend the evening sipping pints of beer with an old friend of mine. Perhaps we sipped too many, but it happens. Right? Anyway, the subject of my friend's youth came up, and suffice it to say, my friend grew up in a not-so-passive environment in a big city. He had to fight, a lot, and lives now with the demons associated with past fears and violence. Too many times he had to defend himself—admittedly because he often put himself in bad situations—and he became, well, experienced at it. The cliche is this: he seems like he wouldn't hurt a fly. But he would, if he had to. And he has. So never be deceived by appearances or preconceived notions.

My friend was bullied and beaten up many times when he was young. It is tragic, really. He says the violence he encountered was “life changing” and “horrible,” and that eventually he hit that point. The point where he knew he had to become “tough.”

It is truly a burden he has to live with now. Even though he hurt people who wanted to hurt him, he speaks of it as if he should do some sort of penance for his actions. Yet, his stories hold value to anyone who wants to avoid violence or survive it if the time comes. He knows what it is really like. And it sucks.

Once, for example, I naively asked him what his reaction would be if someone grabbed him and he was about to be punched. It's a drill martial artists do repeatedly.

“If someone grabs you,” he said bluntly, “they don't know what they're doing.”

That's not to say you'll never be grabbed. A lot of people might do so. He was just suggesting that there are many people who might sucker you without so much as a tell. “You have to read people and react accordingly,” he added.

Awareness, my sensei used to say, is ninety percent of self-defense.

But all said, and despite lessons learned, I feel terrible for him. He lives with demons. He knows how ugly true violence is—but almost like a soldier—he became adept at it. It will never, ever leave him.

And that is the biggest lesson of all.

holding the pads....

I always jump at the chance to hold the pads for punching/kicking drills.

Firstly, I just like the feeling of absorbing the energy. It feels good to play hard.

Secondly, I can learn a lot about an individual's style, especially if their martial arts background differs from my own.

When sparring, half of one's attention is focused on offense, and half on defense. You are an active participant, which, personally, narrows my scope to freely observe, while holding pads I become a fly on the wall. Breath patterns, eye movement, strengths, weak points, and tells are all on display.

Now, the goal isn't to use this to defeat anyone, rather, to apply the lessons to yourself. I've talked before about picking up tips from boxers and kick boxers. Tips to use and tips just for the sake of awareness.

Recently, I was training with a heavy striker. I let him pound the pads as hard as he wanted--and I moved him around the room to see how his feet moved. The lesson, however, was not about his telegraphing punches or a potential weakness to exploit in his guard. Instead, a painfully obvious conclusion was made by myself:

Don't strike with a striker! Get in close--without getting knocked out--and use what you know best.

Hey, honesty has to count for something!

heart on your sleeve...

I see a lot of people wearing jackets on the street with dojo affiliations blatantly displayed across their back. I don't think it's wrong to be proud of your training and I know the dojos appreciate the advertising, but for myself, it's not something i'd be wont to do.

I mean, truthfully, I'm not one to conceal my training and sometimes I think that I like to gab about martial arts a bit more than is necessary. That said, I can't help thinking in an anonymous situation like a city it might be like putting a target on your back for the macho drunk types who crave a pissing contest with someone "skilled" to prove their own worth. It could make someone increasingly defensive like many get when they see a police uniform. Also, any surprise you might create in a defensive situation--think pretending to be crazy or incompetent--could be eliminated as more caution may be taken in an assailants approach to you.

Perhaps it could help de-escalate a situation, I suppose, by making a potential attacker think twice. I dunno.

My Sensei says when he was on the competition circuit his club eventually wore gis without a crest so no one would no what style the fighters would be using. Likewise, a specific patch worn by an opponent indicating Tae Kwon Do or Goju could give him some insight into what to expect strategically.

Although the topic is likely no big deal, it was just bouncing around in my head.

"You lookin' at me?"

The eyes can give away an opponent's intent.... but they can also be used to deceive.

As a former hockey player, we were coached to always look at the chest when defending, because to look at the puck or face would give the other guy a good chance to trick you with a fake. Look at his chest and hit him was the idea.

That said, when I spar I like to engage the opponents eyes (I've been told not to before). But I find most opponents will give away more strategy with their eyes than they will deceive you with them, but I remain very cognizant of the possibility. This awareness is the key, to me.

As my training is based more on defending in real situations and not squared-off fighting per se, body language and visual cues are of utmost importance.

This said, being cognizant of your own cues is also immensely important. You may give away your own attacks with your visual focus, so not telegraphing is important, unless of course it is being used deliberately to misguide your foe. Football quarterbacks are excellent at this--looking at one receiver and then throwing the ball to someone in another location. But a QB who telegraphs his throws gets picked off routinely, and his receivers get very sore and disgruntled.

It's something to look into, anyway.