chi (and fish)

i don't think i'm looking for chi anymore.
anyway, i'm not looking to define it; i'm not looking to be a superman, if you will.
i've been on a quest, it seems, to understand it. but, as we know, to seek something is often to lose it. i'm happier now that i accept chi as maybe real--maybe self-hypnosis--maybe science and mechanics. journeyman does a good post on these points here. i wonder if he was on a quest, too. he seems to be at peace with it, anyway.
i train with a sensei who really believes it is a factor in the martial arts. i don't disagree, but then there are guys like Bruce Lee and Professor Wally Jay who i admire and don't neccesarily worry about it too much. (at least outwardly).
maybe jedi knights ruined chi for everyone by making kids want to become supernatural , imbued with chi/Force. That said, i've seen some pretty crazy shit that i cannot explain. maybe it's chi.
but i don't see a lot of crazy stuff. maybe i need a temple to hang out at in a remote jungle somewhere. maybe chi is there.
or maybe it's everywhere, and we, like fish, cannot discern the water all around us. (does a fish use chi to swim? is the water its chi? does a fish prefer spelling it chi or qi?)
just because i'm not searching doesn't mean i'm against it.....
or against fish, for that matter.

job profile...

I was being interviewed today about possible employment opportunities and this awkward moment came up:
"Can you travel?"
"Yes."
"Are you self-motivated?"
"Yes."
"Do you have anything we should know about, like a criminal record or anything?"
"No. But I am vegetarian."

turning the corner...

the past few months has been--as I said before--one of the most challenging periods of my martial arts career to date. doubts lurking around every corner; frustration rearing its ugly head. while I never considered quiting, my heart was clouded and my mind was frayed.
currently, i feel... well... better. while i'm not tooting rainbows and doing back flips for no reason, my mind has reset itself and I have been enjoying my training once again. do i feel further tempered and believe i've had a philosophic expansion as a result of my struggles? time will tell. does it feel nice to be back on track?
indeed.
part of my imbalance, as I mentioned previously, had a lot to do with a lack of harmony between kata and technique. this was perhaps a result of a grading i was undergoing, where my kata was in worse shape than my technique and needed to be improved upon. grading gives me great ambivalence, but i will save those thoughts for another day.
in the mean time, while I cannot say exactly what is around the corner, i know now that at least i am turning one.